SCS explant surgery

Well, it's official.  My spinal cord stimulator explant surgery is scheduled for Dec. 4th!!  Have to get there at 7 in the morning, and surgery's at 9 AM.  Today I had a pre-op phone appointment, and tomorrow I have PT.  I hope my physical therapist is prepared for all this sad news I have to tell him...  Surgery is in 6 days, and honestly, I'm so sad.  Last year, on September 13th, having a spinal cord stimulator implanted was the happiest day of my life.  It never entered my mind that a year later I would have to have my SCS removed.  I never thought that a year later I'd have to go through the worst headaches of my life.  I never imagined that a year later I'd have to soon get MRIs on my brain and spinal cord.  As I think about all this, I'm just soo thankful I can't know the future.  If I knew last year that all this would happen, I don't think I could have survived all these turn of events.  So I'm so grateful that only God knows the future.  He is in control.  He's holding my world in His hands.

I'd really appreciate your prayers on Tuesday!  I love you guys.  Maybe I'll post some pics.. ;)

Love this song by Kristian Stanfill.  It gives me peace. :)

 

And this is Your world, You made it

And all of creation is breathing because You sustain it

Jesus, by Your powerful word, You spoke out the earth and the heavens

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world in His hands

And these are your days, You give them

All for your fame and all for Your glorious kingdom

Jesus, You have ordained all things to dwell in Your purpose

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/kristian-stanfill-holding-my-world-lyrics.html ]

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world in His hands

And I am Your child, Beloved

And all of my days my future is laid in Your promise

Jesus, to the end of the age, I am not alone or forgotten

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world in His hands

Happy

Yayyyyy!!!  Last night, I emailed my pain dr. and asked him if I could at least know what's gonna happen before Thanksgiving. ;)  I just received a reply from him!  He's the best. :)  He told me he did speak with my neurologist today, and after discussing options together, they both agree that taking the SCS out would allow her to best sort out my issues with testing.  He spoke with a surgery coordinator, and he said he can likely take out my SCS on December 4th.  *gulp*  I have a lot to ask him cuz I'm gonna miss my stimulator so much.  "Can I have another one implanted later?"  "Can he just remove the IPG and leave the leads in?"  "What happens if the pain in my feet gets severe again?"  All I can say is, God is so faithful, and He will carry me through this next step.

Last week, my pain dr. discussed the explant surgery with me.  I'm gonna have 2 more incisions on my back..  That will be 4 total so far!!  Thankfully, he said the post-op pain is nothing like an implant surgery. :)

Thank you so much for your prayers and love!!  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!! :)

Still Waiting

Waiting....Waiting....Waiting.  That's what I've been doing. ;)  Which is why you haven't read an update in a while.  My neurologist and pain dr. are having a bit of a difficulty connecting.  When my neurologist is free, my pain dr. is not, and vice versa.  But I'm praying today's the day I hear something..  I have a feeling the receptionists at both clinics are getting kinda tired of me and my mom calling every day. ;) 

2 nights ago, I went to bed quite early cuz I was tired, but I didn't fall asleep till after 5 in the morning...! :(  My headache was soo bad, and I realized that I completely forgot to take my nightly drugs for the CRPS pain so I was probably having withdrawal..  Anyway, let's just say last night's sleep was very sweet!  Thanksgiving is 2 days away, and this is what I'm thankful for: good sleep. :)  I'm also thankful that the nausea hasn't been as bad.  The morphine from the ER finally passed through my system, and I've been staying away from oxycodone and pain meds like that because they only make me feel worse.  Soo, I've been able to eat more, but things still aren't back to "normal."  I'll be sure to let you know when I hear from either doctor!!

I'm excited for Thanksgiving. :)  I really do have a lot to be thankful for.  Here's a little list I made on the top of my head in no particular order:

I'm so grateful for...

1. my doctors, even if things are taking a long time to start moving.  I'm very blessed to have several "Top Doctors" as rated by the Pacific Northwest. :)  Here's a fun fact: my pain doctor, neurologist, spine doctor, and physical medicine and rehabilitation doctor all made the Portland Monthly's "Best Doctors" issues. :)
2. my physical therapist who is a great encourager
3. my iPod when I can't sleep at night
4. my dear friends who visit me all the time and send me the sweetest facebook messages and emails!
5. my amazing family who has done more than words can say for me.  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
6. my wonderful church family.  I seriously wouldn't want to be anywhere else!
7. my Savior Jesus Christ who above all understands what I'm going through because He Himself suffered far greater for me
8. ice packs for my head
9. Christmas music.  It makes me happy. :)
10. yams and sweet potatoes (inside joke)  Uncle Gary, I'm looking forward to watching you eat some!!  We had a deal! ;)

My Heart is Full :)

Cici, this post is for you and all your roommates (Sarah, Cara, Kate, Allie, Greta, Arcy, Sree, Meredith, Amber, Micaela, Chelsea, Maggie, Sheri, and Anne-we totally need to meet sometime!) at Welmers Cottage at Hope College in Michigan!!!!  I couldn't find you on facebook, Cici, so I'm dedicating this post to you and your dear friends. :)

I seriously cannot tell you enough how much joy your "box of awesome" gave me this afternoon!!!  Here's proof that I smiled a ton:

Please forgive my drooping eyelid. ;)  Just know that you made me so happy and brought a smile to my face!!

 All the goodies you gave me are my favorites!!!  And I've been treasuring each gift!  I'm so overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness and love.  I'll never forget this for years to come!!

*BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU*

Also, to my Southwest Hills family---Pastor Rick, Mrs. E, and everyone else---If you read this, I just wanted to thank you for the card and beautiful roses you blessed me with today.  The flowers are now sitting in our living room, being enjoyed by all in my family and in my direct view from where I sit everyday. :)

Aren't these SOOOO pretty??? :)

So Blessed

Thank you so much, everyone, for your constant prayers and love!!!  I seriously don't know what I'd do without you guys. <3  Reading all your facebook posts and messages and your comments on my blog is super encouraging to me and I thank God for each of you.

My pain dr. spent a lot of time with me this morning.  So thankful for him.  He prescribed me a sedative so that I can sleep better, and he already put the order in to have my stimulator removed.  BUT, he's not gonna do it until he can get a hold of my neurologist.    He's really trying to find an alternative way to come to a diagnosis because if he removes my SCS, I may never be able to have another one implanted because of the possibility that insurance won't cover it.  Even if they did, a second stimulator may not work as well because of scar tissue in my spine.  So I really understand why he doesn't want to remove it.

In addition to everything else, I'm also dealing with something called myoclonus.  When I lie still or don't move, random muscles of my body jerk.  I haven't really eaten since Monday morning.  I'm now 82 lbs., so it's probably time to pull out my size 10 girls' jeans that my mom and dad bought for me last week.  I'm very amused about that cuz I'm 20 years old.. ;)

Tyring to be patient in suffering..

My pain dr. squeezed me in to see him tomorrow morning at 7:15.  Please pray like never before.  I admit I'm scared.  Even if he agrees to take my SCS out, I don't know how I can go through a surgery like that with the way I'm feeling now.  The implant surgery took over 3 hours, and an explant is even more drastic cuz of scar tissue.  For those who don't know, my neurologist told me to go to the ER last night.  The doctors gave me IV toradol, oxycodone, and even IV morphine.  None of it touched my headache.  My teeth have been chattering non-stop from the pain and nausea.  And even worse, when the nurse put my IV in, CRPS spread to my right arm.  I'm devastated.  In one second, my hand turned purple, swollen, cold.  And now it's been burning so bad.  Pray that through all of this, my Lord and Savior will be glorified.

"I want to let go of what I can't change
'Cause I can't wrap my mind around Your ways
I've got more questions than I have answers these days
Please don't let my suffering go to waste.."

My favorite song ever

"Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"  Job 2:10

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  2 Corinthians 12:9-10