"Two steps forward, One step back"

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One holding his hand." ~Psalm 37:23-24

After going through a pretty difficult week last week, one of my friends shared this section of Scripture with me.  Through her, God spoke to my heart.  After reading the passage, I knew right then that it was from the Lord.  Read these two verses again.  Ponder it.  Don't they fill you with peace? :)  As I thought about it deeply, one of the things I learned is that it's a guarantee we'll fall.  Being a follower of Christ doesn't mean I'll always have an easy path to walk on.  Vs. 24 doesn't say, "IF he falls," but "WHEN he falls..."  But here's the good news, my friends: we won't be hurled headlong because the Lord holds our hands. :)  He walks with us.  No matter how many times we fall, we're not on the "ground" for long because God gently pulls us back up on our feet.

Last week was a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of week.  I was doing so well after I had my third stellate ganglion block two weeks ago, but last week, I received some kind of trauma to my arm once again which brought the burning pain back.  This was kind of a blow as you can imagine, and I was put on a new drug for pain relief because of what happened, but vs. 23 gives me comfort and peace. :)  God delights in my way, and He has established my steps which means this is a part of His good plan, even when it may not seem like it.  I trust my Savior. :)  In closing, I want to leave with you this verse from Jesus:

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

A Praise :)

Wow!  I usually try to post once a week, but last week was just plain busy that I didn't get a chance to.  So, to update everyone on what's going on, here's what happened last week:

On Monday, January 30th, I had my third stellate ganglion block.  When I arrived at the CPC, excitement was running through my veins!  My doctors told me they were going to try a new approach with this block (and the funny thing is, my pain dr. didn't tell me till after the procedure that he never did it this way before on anyone else!  He made this up himself, and I was their guinea pig! ;).  They still used ultrasound and fluoroscopy, but in addition to bupivacaine, my doctor also added the strong anesthetic ketamine to this block, and they went in my neck at a different angle and in a different area.  The needle had to be pushed in very deep...being awake, I kept hearing my doctors tell each other it "needs to go deeper..."  If you looked at me then, my eyes were probably wide open! o_O  To me, it felt like the needle was close to hitting my bone!  And after the procedure was over, the ketamine made me SO sleepy!!  I could barely open my eyes!  But this block was so worth the pain and discomfort, because once I was fully awake, my hand/arm felt SO good! :)  It was that big of a difference!  Praise the Lord!  "I will praise the Lord as long as I live..." (Psalm 146:2)  I was so happy.  I couldn't believe how amazing everything was feeling!  When they discharged me, they gave me a pain diary for me to keep track of how long this block gives me relief.

So that's what happened last week!  I still have physical therapy every other week and occupational hand therapy twice a week.  I'm also studying to become a medical assistant, so that and all my appointments and home exercises keep me busy!  But I'm just so thankful that things look like they're heading in the right direction!  Praise God and share in my joy! :)

"God is in every tomorrow,

Therefore I live for today,

Certain of finding at sunrise,

Guidance and strength for my way;

Power for each moment of weakness,

Hope for each moment of pain, 

Comfort for every sorrow,

Sunshine and joy after rain."

~unknown

Running the race set before me!

   I love to run. :)  Yes, I can't run long distances yet...  But whether it's running to the mailbox at the end of our driveway, running from a restaurant to our parked car, running up our long flight of stairs two steps at a time, or running to our couch to read my Bible or a good book, it fills me with PLEASURE! :)  You may think, "What's so fun about running a little?"  Well, it's because I was on crutches for 6+ months last year!
   Before I had my SCS implanted, I went through grueling months of physical therapy, "learning" how to walk again.  It was painful!  At my first PT appointment, that's what I had to learn to do.  WALK.  I was like a toddler learning how to walk.  I had to walk for 1 minute, 3x a day for the first week...then 3 minutes the second week...then 5 minutes...8 minutes...until I could walk for 25 minutes at a time!  It wasn't a fast walk, though, because the CRPS pain was so severe.  And I couldn't do one tip-toe with my right foot no matter how hard I tried because it felt like a knife was stuck in the ball of my foot!  But now, after my surgery last September and still more months of physical therapy, I can now run, jump, AND tip-toe 20x at one time with my right foot!  God is good.  And He was good even when I couldn't walk, even when I couldn't tip-toe.
   So THAT'S why I love to run.  And when I run, I feel so free!  When I was thinking about that, I thought about how it's the same with my life as a follower of Christ.  Because Jesus washed away my sins when He died on the cross for me, the chains of sin no longer keep me in bondage.  I have been set "free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:2)  "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1).
   On this journey, I don't want to "run aimlessly" (I Corinthians 9:26), I want to "run with endurance the race that is set before [me], looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of [my] faith..." (Hebrews 12:1-2)  My friends, join me in this race! :)  Keep looking to Jesus!

P.S.  This coming Monday, Jan. 30th, I will be having my third stellate ganglion block done.  I would greatly appreciate your prayers once again! :)

The Lord is my Strength

Though the fig tree does not bud 

and there are no grapes on the vines, 

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength.

~Habakkuk 3:17-19

As I reflected on Habakkuk's words, I thought about how they relate to me.  Not in the sense of there being no grapes on the vines or sheep in the pen, but more like the following ways:

Though it's almost been a year since I was diagnosed with CRPS in my foot

and I'm now dealing with it in my hand,

though I'm 19 and haven't yet been able to continue my education after high school, like the rest of my graduating class,

though I can't play violin yet because of the pain and stiffness in my fingers,

though faced with the uncertainty of the future

and how there is no cure yet for this condition,

yet "I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior"

BECAUSE

The Sovereign LORD is my strength.

Now, after reading a few of my "thoughs," you may feel sorry for me, but I don't want you to.  I just want you to know that God is still good in the midst of suffering, and I have made it this far because of the strength that my Sovereign Lord gives me for each day.

Yes, it's been hard, but I actually thank God for this experience.  If this never happened...

-I wouldn't know all my caring doctors, nurses, and medical assistants

-I wouldn't have been blessed with the friendships of my therapists and even the front desk receptionists

-I wouldn't have become as familiar with medical terms and treatments (which may prove helpful later on!)

-My relationship with Christ and love for Him probably wouldn't be as strong

-I wouldn't have had a chance to share the love of Christ with those at OHSU and PRA

-and the list goes on! :)

So rejoice with me that the Lord gives strength and is sovereign over every area of our lives!

What I do at occupational hand therapy...

Many people ask me what I do at OHSU occupational hand therapy, so I will tell you here. :)  Occupational therapists are very similar to physical therapists, but they also focus on fine-motor skills and desensitization.  Here are some examples:

• Usually at the beginning of my treatment appointment, I stick my affected left arm in this machine that blows out warm air and dried, ground corn husks as a way of desensitizing my nervous system.  Pretty cool. :)
• I'm a violinist, but I haven't been able to play for two months now.  So, one time, my OT spread thera-putty on this long plastic piece, and I had to hold it like a violin, while pressing my fingers into the putty and "playing" music scales like I'm pressing into my violin strings.
• Sometimes, I practice picking little things up (marbles, keys, buttons) with the finger that hurts the most and dropping them into this paper cup.  Occasionally, this can get pretty difficult to do because my fingers shake severely sometime!
• One of my favorite things to do at therapy is play catch with my OT! :)  It hurts my hand, but he makes it enjoyable!

As an ending to this post, I want to leave this poem with you.  May you be refreshed and encouraged by it!

"When you pass through the waters"

Deep the waves may be and cold,

But Jehovah is our refuge,

And His promise is our hold;

For the Lord Himself has said it,

He, the faithful God and true:

"When you come to the waters

You will not go down, BUT THROUGH."

Seas of sorrow, seas of trial,

Bitter anguish, fiercest pain,

Rolling surges of temptation

Sweeping over heart and brain---

They will never overflow us

For we know His word is true;

All His waves and all His billows

He will lead us safely THROUGH.

Threatening breakers of destruction,

Doubt's insidious undertow,

Will not sink us, will not drag us

Out to ocean depths of woe;

For His promise will sustain us,

Praise the Lord, whose Word is true!

We will not go down, or under,

For He says, "You will pass THROUGH."

by Annie Johnson Flint

Charging My Battery :)

Update: This past Friday, I had my second stellate ganglion block at the OHSU CPC.  And to my disappointment, the procedure supposedly didn't "block" again.  My doctor thought maybe the stellate ganglion nerve bundle is lower than normal which is why they can't get effective blocks...  But here's some good news! :)  I actually had a delayed reaction to it!  On Sunday, I noticed that my left hand, normally very cold, was really warm.  I even had sweat on my fingertips!  Also, the numbness and extreme sensitivity wasn't as bad!  So it looks like I responded well to the block this time! :)  Not sure yet if he'll want to do more of these again.  Right now, I'm testing this ketamine/amitriptyline topical gel that he prescribed to see if it will help the pain...

   As I write this, I'm charging my IPG (implantable pulse generator). :)  About every other day, my battery gets really low, so I HAVE to charge it.  So I strap on my St. Jude Medical belt around my waist and position the charger "wand" right against the battery in my back!  Charging takes about an hour and a half, so during this time, my stimulator's off which means I can't walk very fast. ;)  Interesting, huh?  You see, when my stim's on, I don't notice the pain as much.  So when it's off, the CRPS pain is far more noticeable.  To be honest, I don't exactly like charging because I can't move around quickly and the pain's definitely worse.  But as I think about this, having to charge is good for me.  I have to learn to be patient and "slow down" in this fast-paced world.  And, charging the IPG reminds me that I need to charge my other "battery"---spend time in God's Word on a daily basis.  Many times, I'd rather do something else, but I also want His Word to be "sweeter than honey to my mouth" (Psalm 119:103).  So as I thought about it, how can that desire grow?  By sitting at Jesus' feet.  From all that has happened, I know God is developing perseverance in me!  I still fall short many times, am still a work in progress, but from this trial, by God's grace I now realize this:

"Before this happened, I thought I had a strong relationship with God, but I was only in the meadow near the Cross.  After it happened, I went to the foot of the Cross and stayed there."  -from the autobiography I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp

"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees" (Psalm 119:71).