Reflections on this past year 2012

It's hard to believe that my first blog post was written one year ago today!  As I reflect on this past year, I thank God for the endurance He provided me and my family to make it through 2012.  Now that this blog has been up and running a full year now, it's easy for me to not fully ponder its title sometimes.  But as this year comes to a close, I'd like to once again think about these three words: Pain with Purpose.

These past months have been filled with things I never would have imagined:

I can't even remember the last time I was able to play my violin,

and I miss it terribly...

It hurts my heart that I had to stop volunteering in the NICU...

I even completed a medical assisting program at the beginning of the year,
and I just don't know if anything will ever come of that...

 It's been almost 2 years since I started physical therapy,

and I still have to do it regularly...

In March I got diagnosed with a rare genetic disease

that is causing so many problems now...

At my doctors' orders,

I've had to visit the ER 4 times in only 2 months,

and I hope I never have to again...

Both my arms have scars from all the IVs I've had...

The list can go on and on...

But thanks be to God, my pain is not without a purpose!! :)  All this is not in vain.  As these lyrics say, "Jesus, You have ordained all things to dwell in Your purpose." (Holding My World by Kristian Stanfill)  Yes, I don't understand a million things, but all I need to do is trust my Savior.  He is soo much wiser than I am.  And how sweet it is to share in Christ's sufferings!

This coming year is full of uncertainty, but I rest in God's sovereignty.  A couple years ago, my sis shared this devotional by Oswald Chambers.  It's so fitting as the new year 2013 comes upon us.  I wanted to share it with you:

". . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . ." —1 John 3:2

"Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him." (Gracious Uncertainty by Oswald Chambers)

May we all remain faithful to God this new year!